Friday, June 20, 2014

Foreign Policy In The Ditch

For Immediate Release                                                               June 20, 2014

Remarks by Somebody Somewhere at Some Fundraiser

2:53 P.M. EDT

SPEAKER: Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Everybody, please have a seat. Have a seat.

It is wonderful to be here, wonderful to be among so many good friends. Thank you. Yes, we're here today to talk about the future. A future in which we save this country from the disastrous policies of the current administration. Nowhere are these policies more disastrous than what Obama has done in the area of foreign policy.

Look, we know the results of the Obama Doctrine when it comes to the foreign policy. It’s no secret. Basically his theory is, if you make America weaker, less involved and less important in the eyes of the world – if you “lead from behind” – the rest of the world will come to love us. That’s his theory. But we see how that has all worked out. We’ve never been less respected, less admired, less trusted. Our friends and allies don’t think we have their back, and our enemies don’t think they need fear us. We have less influence in the world than when President Obama was sworn in. The world is a more dangerous place, in many ways as a direct result of his foreign policy.

And so, I want you to imagine that our Foreign Policy is a car. Quite frankly Obama drove this car into a ditch. And it’s a really deep ditch. And somehow he’s been able to walk away from the accident, but the car is still down in the ditch.

So we’re going to have to put on our boots and get down into the ditch. We have to rappel down, it’s so deep down there. And when we get down there, it’ll be muddy and dirty and hot. We’ll be sweating, there’ll be bugs everywhere. But we have to make sure we get that car out of the ditch, so we’ll start pushing. We’ll be pushing and pushing.

Once we get down there and start pushing, who do you think will be down there? Obama. Oh, he’ll just be standing there, toking on some choom -- fanning himself. Now we know how the car got down there!

And we’ll say, “Why don’t you help?” And his reply? “Nah, man, I’m good,” and then he'll kick some more dirt down into the ditch. And his choom gang buddies will all laugh at us. But that’s okay. We’ll keep on pushing.

Finally we’ll get this car up on level ground. Finally we’ll get it out of the ditch. Now, the car is banged up. It’s banged up, it’s got a bunch of dents and it smells like hell. It’s got to go to the body shop. The engine will barely turn over, but we can at least get it to run.

And you know it'll happen. As soon as we’re about to get in the car, we'll feel this tap on our shoulder, and we'll look back, and who is it? It’s Obama. And he'll say, “Dude, gimme the keys.”

And we’ll have to tell him, “Go home Barack, you’re high. You can’t have the keys back.”

“If you want, you can ride with us, but you’ve got to ride in the backseat. We’re putting American interests in the front seat where they belong.”

I mean, I want everyone to think about it here. You ever notice when you want to keep a car on the road and out of the ditch, what do you do? You let a sober person drive it.

Thank you. And God bless America.

2:57 P.M. EDT


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