Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Are You Smarter Than Barack Obama?

We now turn over this blog to the unparalleled humor of bgates from Just One Minute...

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Are You Smaaarter than Ba-rack O-ba-ma?
Are You Smaaarter than Ba-rack O-ba-ma?
Are You Smaaarter than...

Jeff Foxworthy: Hey y'all. Welcome to "Are You Smarter than Barack Obama", the show where we find out whether our country's ten-year-olds are qualified to be leader of the free world, and vice versa. [laughter, applause]

JF: Our kids are ready, and they're excited, and I have to say I'm excited too, because joining us tonight is the President of the United States, Barack Obama. [moderate applause] President Obama, it's a tremendous honor for me to meet you.

Barack Obama: Yes it is, Jeff.

JF: Y-yeah. OK. Well, let's get started, then, I'm sure you have a very busy schedule -

BO: Uhh, my tee time isn't for another 75 minutes, and I can have the highways shut down until I get there, and one of the interns is going to help Joe Biden record SportsCenter for me, so I'm good.

JF: Right. So let's meet our first fifth-grader, he's from Akron Ohio, let's have a nice warm welcome for Dave Scheissfurer. Hi, Dave.

DS: Hello, Mr Foxworthy. Mr President? It's an honor for me to meet you, sir.

BO: Yep.

JF: Yeah. Alright. Dave, here's how we're going to play. We're going to show you a video segment of something the President has said, and you're going to have to figure out if he made a mistake, and if so, what it was. Are you ready?

DS: I think so.

JF: OK, here we go.

[video clip of Obama:]

When I was young, just got out of college, I had to buy auto insurance. I had a beat-up old car. And I won’t name the name of the insurance company, but there was a company — let’s call it Acme Insurance in Illinois. And I was paying my premiums every month. After about six months I got rear-ended and I called up Acme and said, I’d like to see if I can get my car repaired, and they laughed at me over the phone because really this was set up not to actually provide insurance; what it was set up was to meet the legal requirements. But it really wasn’t serious insurance.

BO: Now, that, that is exactly what happened, just the way I read it. Said it.

JF: Dave, what do you think?

DS: Um....I kind of think that's wrong. Because when you buy real cheap insurance doesn't it just cover for when you run into other people and when somebody gets hurt and stuff? And if somebody else hits you, shouldn't their insurance have to pay?

BO: No, I read it-

JF: That's right, Dave! Congratulations! Hal, tell Dave what he's won!

***[Cut to commercial break]***

JF: And we're back. So far we've already found one fifth grader who's smarter than Barack Obama.

BO: Now, that's clearly an exaggeration.

JF: Of course, sir, it's just a game show. We know you're a very smart man.
Now let's meet our next contestant, and it's Rosalita Lider Muymal from Boulder, Colorado. Hi, Rosalita.

RLM: Hi, Jeff. Hello, Mr President. I'm very pleased to meet you.

BO: Of course you are, sweetie.

JF: OK, Rosalita - do they call you "Rosie" at school?

RLM: Oh, no! Only when they want me - when they want to say that I am fat.

JF: Rosalita it is. Rosalita, this clip goes by pretty fast, so pay attention, ok?

RLM: OK.

[video clip of Obama:]

There's a lot of -- I don't know what the term is in Austrian -- wheeling and dealing, and people are pursuing their interests, and everybody has their own particular issues and their own particular politics

BO: Now, I was there, and that young lady was from Austria.

JF: Rosalita, what do you think?

BO: I'm telling you, she was Austrian.

RLM: Si, but Austrian is like a nationality. It's not a language. They speak German in Austria.

BO: Then what do they speak in Germany, Swiss?

RLM: No, they speak German there too - and also in Switzerland some places.

JF: That's correct! In fact all of that was correct, but we can only give credit for the part connected to the video. But great job, Rosalita. We'll be right back to see if another fifth grader can join Rosalita Lider Muymal in saying....

RLM: Oh! [blushes, glances at Obama] I am smarter than Barack Obama [dissolves into giggles, covers her face with her hands]

***[Cut to commercial break]***

JF: And we're back. Our next contestant is - from Washington DC, ladies and gentlemen let's hear it for - oh, gosh - Antawn Mbaya Kion..gozi, did I do that right Antawn?

AMK: Yeah. That's good.

BO: What up Antawn.

AMK: Hey. It's nice to meet you, sir.

BO: Word. Good luck.

AMK: Thank you, sir.

JF: Now, Antawn, it says here that you go to school at Sidwell Friends - are you a classmate of Sasha or Malia Obama?

AMK: [freezes, lip quivers; a beat later bursts into tears]

JF: Oh, jeez - go to break. Go to break!

***[Cut to commercial break]***

JF: Hi, everybody. I have to apologize, and especially to Antawn, for that mixup. It seems that Antawn had a scholarship to go to Sidwell, but the government got rid of it. I'm sorry Antawn.

AMK: [listlessly] It's ok.

JF: Is the school you're going to now ok?

AMK: I guess.

BO: Probably not. Most of those schools are dumps.

JF: Well let's move things along, ok?

[video clip of Obama]

The Middle East is a problem that has plagued the region for centuries.

BO: Right.

JF: Antawn?

AMK: Um....

BO: That one's right. Just say I'm right!

JF: Let Antawn answer, sir.

AMK: Um....[starts crying] I don't know! I'm stupid! I go to a stupid school because I'm stupid! I don't know what the mistake was! That didn't even make any sense!

JF: No, Antawn - Antawn! You're right. That didn't make sense. You're right.

AMK: Yeah? [sniffles] Yeah, huh? Because the Middle East is the region. So he should have said like the problems in the Middle East region have been plaguing the world for centuries.

JF: Final answer?

BO: Look, sometimes they don't get the teleprompter set up right. That's what I meant to say.

AMK: Only that wouldn't be right either. Because the problem he was - [turns to Obama] when you said "problem" you were talking about with the Jews and the Arabs, right?

BO: Exactly.

AMK: But there wasn't even that much fighting between them in the whole time that Turkey was in charge. [turns back to Jeff] And then they didn't lose it to the European countries until after World War One. So that's only like one century.

BO: Whatever. I don't think this kid is even in the fifth grade.

AMK: [outraged, wheels on the President] Nu uh! I am in the fifth grade! But I know more stuff than they have in school because I read. I read a lot. That's how I got that-[tears up, composes himself]-that scholarship. And even before school started, they gave me a library card. They have a gooood library at that school. I think that's where I learned all about the Middle East.

I read a lot. Because my mom said? That if I did real good at Sidwell? That I could go to all the good schools. Like you. And now I can't even go to that school. And they didn't even let me keep the library card.

JF: [softly] Antawn? Maybe you cain't say you go to that fancy school. But you know what you can say?

AMK: [puzzled] Huh? [brightens] Oh, yeah! I'm Antawn Kiongonzi, [glares at the President] and I'm smarter than Barack Obama! [audience erupts in applause]

***[Show fades to black]***

3 comments:

  1. Thank you for saving this for posterity.

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