Friday, February 24, 2012

Obama 2012

Over at Just One Minute, Tom Maguire wrote about Team Obama trying to come up with a new slogan since Hope has left the building and Change has been abysmal.

'Hope and Change' is sooo 2008 - Team Obama is looking for a new slogan for 2012:

WASHINGTON, Feb 18 (Reuters) - Winning The Future. Greater Together. We Don't Quit.

They may not be official but those are all phrases that could in one form or another be candidates to become President Barack Obama's re-election slogan.

So TM put out the call to his readers:

I know we can help.

I am nothing if not helpful. And besides, TM called me out specifically:

Over to Hit et al...

Aaaaaand...we were off to the races. Figured I collect and re-print my offerings here for posteriority.


Obama 2012
Change is...Painful

Obama 2012
You wouldn't like me as a scorned ex-President

Obama 2012
Fore More Years

Obama 2012
Over the precipice together

Obama 2012
Having second thoughts? Doubts? Regrets? It's not me, it's you.

Obama 2012
If you strike me down I shall become more pitiful than you could possibly imagine

Obama 2012
Like none of the other presidents on the dollar bills

Obama 2012
Check the Box Marked "Present"
Just like me

Obama 2012
Don't Vote for Some Rich Old White Dude.
Vote for the Rich Black Guy.
He's way cooler

Obama 2012
In 2008 you proved you weren't a racist.
It's all on the line again in 2012.

Obama 2012
You Can't Spell America without "Me" and "I"

Obama 2012
We're Like So Almost Out of the Ditch

Obama 2012
If The Last Four Years Didn't Kill You, It Only Made You Stronger.
You're Welcome.

Obama 2012
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a nation who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the free shit that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up your free contraceptives, and shut the hell up. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Obama 2012
Free crack, free Mumia, free everything

Obama 2012
A Tyranny Sincerely Exercised for the Good of Its Victims

Obama 2012
This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me

Obama 2012
I Do Think At Some Point, You've Made Enough Money

Obama
Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate

Democratic National Convention Stage

Obama 2012
A Republic, You Can't Keep It

Obama 2012
We Hold These Truths to Be Self-Evident, That Some Men Are Created More Equal Than Others

Obama 2012
It Takes a Pillage

Obama 2012
Let the Wookie Win

Obama 2012
We can do this the hard way or the easy way. Or the medium way. Or the semi-medium-easy-hard way. Or the sort of hard with a touch of awkward-easy-difficult-challenging way.

America: ...

Obama 2012:
So that's how you wanna play it?

Obama 2012
Because Kate Upton is not 35 years old

Obama 2012
OPM for the Masses

(OPM = Other People's Money)

Obama 2012
The Arc of History Is Long, But It Bends Toward Just Us

Obama 2012
The Fierce Urgency of Bow

Obama Bows to Saudi King

Obama 2012
Turns Out I'm Very Good At It

Obama 2012
One Of The Things About Being President Is You Get Better As Time Goes On

Obama 2012

Obama 2012
Get All You Can, Can All You Get and Sit on Your Can

Obama 2012
An election of biblical proportions. Old Testament, real wrath of God type stuff
Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Four years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes.
The dead rising from the grave!
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Obama 2012
Your Lips Say No, But Your Eyes Say Yes

Obama 2012
Like Reagan Said, I'm From The Government And I'm Here to Help

Obama 2012
OK (ok ok ok). Just A Little Pin Prick. There'll Be No More . . . AAAAAHHHHHHH . . . But You May Feel A Little Sick

Obama 2012
Like You Really Have A Say In The Matter

Obama 2012
Somebody Somewhere Is Happy And I Must Put A Stop To It

Obama 2012
You Don't Have To Fall In Love, You Just Have To Fall In Line

Obama 2012
Come On Baby, I Promise I'll Respect You In The Morning

Obama 2012
If I Don't Win And The Oceans Start Rising Again, That's On You

Obama 2012
Now With 62% More Cynicism

Obama 2012
We Are The Folks Whose Policies Helped Devastate Our Middle Class. We Drove Our Economy Into A Ditch. You Know What, We Really Screwed Up

Obama 2012
I Don't Care. I Am Awesome.

Obama 2012
Four More Years And I'll Introduce You To The Concept Of A Quadrillion

Obama 2012
Don't Make Me Steal All The "O's" Off The White House Keyboards

Obama 2012
It's Not The Economy, Stupid. It's Stupid Economy

Obama 2012
Try Not To Think Of An Elephant

Obama 2012
'If I Don't Have This Done In Three Years, Then There's Going To Be A One-Term Proposition' Was Totally Not What I Meant To Say

Obama 2012
Creating Or Saving Millions of Jobs . . . For Strawmen

Obama 2012
Membership Has Its Privileges

Obama 2012
My Therapist Tells Me I Need This

Obama 2012
Some Say That This Is The Most Important Election In Our Nation's History. I Agree. I'm Mean, Come On, It's Got Me In It.

Obama 2012
You Can No More Disown Me As Your President Than I Can Disown My Own Typical White Grandmother

Obama 2012
Don't Worry - If Polls Show It Will Help, I'll Totally Bomb Iran

Obama 2012
Have You Looked At The Crease In My Pants Lately?

Obama 2012
Let Me Put It This Way. Have You Ever Heard Of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.

Obama 2012
Eric, Don't Call My Bluff

Obama 2012
If You're Not Better Off Than You Were Four Years Ago That's Probably Because You Didn't Donate To My Campaign Last Time. Don't Make That Mistake Again.

Obama 2012
You Liked The Greek Columns, Didn't You? I Can Get Columns Again, Bigger Columns. I'll Totally Go All Out On The Columns.

Obama 2012
Espoir Et Changement Sont Morts. Vive Le Espoir Et Changement

Obama Buries Hope and Change

Obama 2012
Have I Told You Lately How Important It Is To Preserve The Status Quo?

Obama 2012
No More NewD irection. That's Obscene.

Obama 2012
This Time We're Taking The Training Wheels Off

Obama 2012
You Can't Possibly Fathom How Important This Is. It's Probably Beyond Your Capacity. So Don't Even Think About It. Just Do As I Say.

Obama 2012
What If I Promised To Play More Golf And Give Fewer Speeches?

Obama 2012
I Promise That In My Second Term I Will Not Pass Obamacare

Obama 2012
Look, Let's Cut To The Chase. I'm Screwing The Country No Matter What. If You Give Me Four More Years, I Promise To Be Gentle. But If You Don't, Well, Let's Just Say That A Lot Can Happen Between November and January.

Obama 2012
The Best Things In Life Are Free. For Everything Else There Are Federal Subsidies.

Obama 2012
No Pain, No Gain.

Obama 2012
Let's End Once And For All The Idea That Washington Shouldn't Control Your Every Decision

Obama 2012
Look, It Could Be Worse. And It Probably Would Be If The Strawmen I Have Erected To Run Against Were In Charge.

Obama 2012
I'll Piss On Your Leg And Tell You It's Raining

Obama 2012
If I Need To, I'll Create A Crisis So We Can Not Let It Go To Waste

Obama 2012
You Change Your Mind Now,We Will All Know You Were Racist All Along. Don't Be A Racist. You're Better Than That. Unless You're Not. In Which Case I Don't Think You're Even American. You Want To Be American, Don't You?

Obama 2012
It's WJWD

Obama 2012
America? Things got a little out of hand. It's just this do nothing Congress and that lying son of a bitch Bush and...I would never hurt you. You know that.

Obama 2012
If Everything I've Said To This Point Hasn't Convinced You, I'll Say A Bunch More Shit That I Think Will

Obama 2012
I Think America Has A Great Personality

Obama 2012
Stop Whining Already

Obama 2012
Either You Are With Us Or You Are With The Terrorists

Obama 2012
So This Is How Liberty Dies - With Thunderous Applause

Obama 2012
He Killed A Fly With His Bare Hands

Obama 2012
Would I Lie To You?

Obama 2012
You Should Totally Be This Brother's Keeper

Obama 2012
Let's Make America A Shining City On A Hill. Powered By Wind And Solar.

Obama 2012
If You Don't Re-Elect Me, My Farewell Address Will Be Six Hours Long.

Obama 2012
I'm Pretty Sure You Can Be Bought. Let's Start The Bidding.

Obama 2012
If It Comes To It, I'm Totally Prepared To Gin Up An October Surprise No Matter Who My Opponent Is.

Obama 2012
Homeland Security Has Collected A Lot Of Data On All Of You. Vote Accordingly.

Obama 2012
You Have To Re-Elect Me So My Successor Doesn't Go Around Talking About The Mess He Inherited From Me Like My Incessant Whining About Bush

Obama 2012
If You Don't Re-Elect Me My Presidential Library Will Consist Of Nothing More Than A Couple Of Memoirs And a 2,000+ Page Health Care Bill Bearing My Name That Even I Haven't Read

Obama 2012
If You're Honest With Yourself, Really Honest, I Think You'll Agree: You Need The Firm But Gentle Hand of a Benevolent Government Telling You What To Do

Obama 2012
We Got Off On The Wrong Foot. Can't We Just Wipe The Slate Clean And Start All Over?

Obama 2012
Hey, America: You Mad, Bro?

Obama 2012
Some Of You May Be Disillusioned By The Volume Of Campaign Promises I Failed To Deliver Once In Office. I've Got Good News! It's Campaign Time Again And I'm In A Promise-Making Mood.

Obama 2012
Nobody Has Ever Done More To Serve Than Me. Mostly Lip Service, But Still.

Obama 2012
The Difference Between 1996 And Now Is, You've Got Me

Obama 2012
Punishing Your Enemies Starts At Home. And Pretty Much Stays There.

Obama 2012
I Am A Very Big Believer In Capitolism. And No, That Is Not A Typo

Obama 2012
I Signed Don't Ask, Don't Tell Into Law. But It Is Much More Than Just Words On Paper. In Fact, My Administration Has Long Believed In And Exercised The Very Priniples Of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Starting With Eric Holder.

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